Toddler tantrums and the foster kid

Toddler tantrums and the foster kid

Today’s tantrum is brought to you by NASA.

While passing by Johnson Space Center, Little Lady says to me from the backseat of the car: Mommy, I want to go to outer space, that’s far away.
Me: I bet that it is incredible there. You never know. Maybe one day you can go there in a spaceship.
Little Lady: I want to go there now in mommy’s car.
Me: Honey, mommy’s car can’t go to outer space. I am sorry.
Little Lady: screaming, crying and gnashing of teeth. IWANTTOGOTOOUTERSPACEINMOMMYCARNOW! ….Little man looks at his sister bewildered by her irrational behavior. She has had a hard early childhood and learned to get what she wants by misbehaving, manipulating, throwing fits, shrieking as if she had been harshly injured.
Me: (deep breath) Honey, try asking again with respect.
Little Lady (tears mysteriously gone): Mommy, can I have an outer space in mommy car please?
Me: Ok! Great asking with respect! Let’s press the magic super duper awesome pretend button right here. Count down with me 10….9…8….7…….321! Blast Off! Woah. I am dizzy. How do you feel?
Little Lady: I feel funny mommy!
Me: Wow! Space Birds! Look! Wow! Space Lake! Look!
Little Lady: Mommy, this is fun! Dank you! (big smiles)

Really? That’s all I had to do. A creative yes instead of a no.

The kid has heard no too much and when she asked for stuff in the past, maybe even a wet diaper or bottle from her baby bed, someone did not come. I need to continue to come up with creative ways to say yes, when yes is not possible within reason of course to aid in the attachment process. She did not have someone come to her and answer her needs when she was a baby and that has caused her to not trust adults and behave poorly at times. It is time for her to learn to trust adults, even if that means going back to the baby stage and answering her cries as best as this new mommy can.

This does not mean a bag of marshmallows for breakfast (yes, she asked for that), but maybe we can make some fruit kabobs and add a couple marshmallows to that. What cereal does not have that much sugar anyway?

This does not mean cookies before dinner. But it does mean. “Yes, you can have cookies and you can eat them right after dinner. Would you like to hold them in your pocket or lay it by your plate?”

Last week’s tantrum was because she wanted to ride her tricycle to Kroger, three miles away. If only I had told her Kroger was the mailbox….

I am learning. I am a new mommy. And this happened pretty fast too. One day I am at work, and the next day, I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old. Wow. No easing into this adventure!

What will this new week bring? I love these babies so much!

6 thoughts on “Toddler tantrums and the foster kid

  1. Bless you and those 4! We would love support! I think the first thing is figuring out if she has it so we know what to treat. I am hoping the meeting with the therapist on Thursday will open up some doors for us. I am not sure how I can best be prepared or describe what I am seeing to the therapist, or really what specific signs to look for to see if she does have RAD. I have read some articles, but I am just not sure about it yet. I have a lot of reading to do. I welcome any suggestions on where to start!

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